HELA, HALO, HELL

This is my last resort to sanity. I am sick and tired of the games of my minds, so I have surrendered to insanity, and I decided to lay bare all of my darkness at once. Maybe, if I become the black hole that sucks my energy, I might be able to subvert that kind of negative power, and survive again. I have shut myself in the black heart of mine, I’ve uprooted any good in me, I’ve bled to death and I have denuded myself to myself. I found no other way to remain alive, in fact, that way found me. Haven’t held a pen for ages, nor did I scrub some notes here and there, leaving some blood in the trail of my pain. Had I intended to write something rosy, like I used to do when in trouble, I would find myself incarcerated in an infinity of lies and false hopes. So here I am, dark, hopeless, weak, mean and any other possible negative adjective, here I am, naked in front of me, and maybe you. I don’t know if there would be readers , if so, I apologize in advance for the great amount of helplessness I diffuse in my words. Yet, if you choose to carry on reading, then you become complacent in this sphere of trenchant pain, and unopologized I shall be! When a fleeting sentiment of sadness persists, when it holds a tightened grip on your soul, when it conquers the tiny pulse that you once had in you, then you become sick, then I become sick. If recognizing that there is a problem is half of the cure, sometimes believing you’re sick becomes the emblem of your bad shape. That’s what happened to me, I kept on denying that my sadness ain’t going away, that my lifestyle is changing drastically, and worse, that I am changing from thepapaaaaa very bottom of my heart. I fought for a while, but then, when I gave my state a name, the name knocked me out, K.O. Depression is the name, and Hela is me. Hela that once thought that her name resonates with halo in form as in meaning, now believes that it’s more into hell. Welcome!

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